Clueless in Trenton
by Akasha617
Summary: Steph turns to an unusual source to help her sort out her love life
1. Chapter 1

I'm not really sure what brought this on. I was chatting with Stayce and all of a sudden, this one happened. Must be her fault…

I will continue if you're interested, but I don't want to bore you if you aren't. Okay, that sounded like fishing for compliments, but I mean it! Let me know what you think.

Rating: T so far. Let's see what happens…

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Clueless in Trenton

"Go ahead, Clueless in Trenton, you're on the air. What is troubling you this evening?"

I couldn't believe I was doing this! I'd never called a radio station in my life! Maybe I shouldn't have had that last drink at the bar with Lula, I thought.

"My life is a mess!" I blurted out, remembering why I had called after hearing the stupid call-in talk show on the radio on the way home.

"That covers a lot of ground." Helpful Helen said in her shrink voice that was oozing understanding. "What part of your life doesn't feel right?"  
Where to begin?

I plopped down on my couch and took a sip of my beer.

"I have no money. I am over thirty and not married. I live with a hamster. My job sucks. And on top of everything, I'm in love with two men!"

"Okay then, let's start with the one that seems most important to you," Helen replied unfazed, "Tell me about these two men."

What the hell, I thought, I might as well. I'd been trying to figure it out for years now; it couldn't hurt to get an outsider's opinion. I took a deep breath.

"The first guy, I've known all my life. We grew up in the same neighborhood. Our families have the same values."

"Let's call him John to give him a name, okay?" Helen suggested. Whatever.

"He's been in and out of my life for as long as I can remember. He's good looking, he has a job he loves and he's incredible in bed."

"All good things." Helen said and I could hear her smile.

"Yeah well, the problem is…" What was the problem with Joe Morelli? Why couldn't we make it work?

"We know we love each other. It's the being with each other that's the problem."

"You may have to explain that bit." Helen said. Well, if I could explain it, I wouldn't have to call!

I sighed.

"Whenever I'm not with him, I miss him. But whenever we're together, we fight."

"All you do is fight?"

"Well, no, we…I mean, when we talk, we often fight. When we're in bed, everything is copasetic."

I clapped my hand to my mouth. I couldn't believe I'd just said that!

Helen was laughing softly.

"So you're relationship with John is purely sexual?"  
I did some more sighing. No, that was the other relationship in my life.

Clearly, this phone call had been a bad idea. I'd drunk and dialed, always a mistake.

"Tell me about the other man." Helen suggested, I'd probably been quiet for too long.

"He's also good looking, always there for me when I need help, he loves his job and he…"  
"Yes?"  
"And he's also incredible in bed."

"I see." Helen said neutrally.  
Here I was, announcing to the nation that I was a slut. My only hope was that no one in the Trenton area was listening to the radio at one in the morning.

"So tell me, Clueless, is it more than sexual attraction you feel for those two?" Helen asked.

"I'm in love with both of them." Wow, when I said it out loud it sounded differently. I'd admitted it to myself before, but I'd never said it.

"And they're both Mr. Right?" I could tell Helen wasn't going to help me solve any of my problems.

"I think they're both Mr. Wrong, actually…"

"I think I can help you," Helen said, "I need you to grab a pen and paper and write something down. We have to take a break and I'll be back okay?"  
"Okay." I agreed, but I'd already been put on hold. What the hell, I thought again, since I had nothing to lose, I did as I was told and got a pen and my notebook. I'd tried to sort it out myself for too long now, it couldn't hurt to get an expert opinion, right? Even if it was only a pseudo expert.

The commercials were over and Helen came back on the line.

After she confirmed I was still on the phone she put me back on the air. I was glad I didn't have the radio on, this way I could pretend our conversation wasn't broadcast.

"Okay, Clueless, do you have something to write?" I confirmed I did.

"Here's what we're going to do: I'm going to give you ten questions. You write down the answers to these questions. You don't have to share your answers with anyone, but please be honest. It's very important you're honest with yourself."

Oh boy. She didn't know me. Honesty towards myself was not my strong suit. I usually went with denial and avoidance, and I could convince even myself something wasn't true.

"Okay…" I said slowly.

"Then you're going to ask your two men the same questions. And you will write down their answers and compare them to yours."

"And that's gonna help me choose?"  
"It's not about choosing," Helen explained, "It's about making a decision that's right for you."

I didn't see a difference, but I was going to play along for the time being.

"Are you ready for the questions?"  
"Uh huh."

"Question number one: What are the three items you would take with you to a deserted island?" I rolled my eyes. Could she get any more cliché than that?

"Got it." I said instead of complaining though.  
"Question number two: You can ask any person a question, any question, whether they're dead or alive. Who would you ask and what's the question?"

Okay, that one was more interesting, but still quite stereotypical. Still, I wrote it down and told Helen I when I was done.

"Now on to number three: Did you ever apologize for something that wasn't your fault? Why?"

I still couldn't see how that would help me any, but my beer buzz told me to play along.

"Number four: If there was one event in the past year you could get undone, what would it be?"  
That one, I'd have to think about myself. These questions were getting more and more interesting.

"All right." I said, telling Helen I'd written it down.

"Now for number five, Clueless, I want you to write down the three most influential people in your life, past and present. But not more than three, okay?"  
"Okay." I confirmed. This one would also take me longer to answer.

"Number six: If you'd won the jackpot a year ago, what would you have done with the money?"  
That one was a little easier, I thought, but I still only wrote down the question, not the answer.

"And number seven, if a genie granted you one wish, what would you wish for?"

I was gnawing on my lower lip as I wrote it down, this one was tricky. Didn't genies usually give you three wishes?

"We're almost done, Clueless. Number eight: You have the power to forever eliminate a natural disaster. Which one would you choose?"  
No clue what that one had to do with anything, but by now I was enjoying myself and I wrote it down.

"Number nine: You are given the chance to alter one thing about your physical appearance or character, what's your choice?"

Ugh, again just one? I didn't know where to begin with the things I wanted to change about me.

"And finally, number 10: Did you answer the preceding nine questions honestly? If not, would you like to change an answer?"  
I scoffed at that last one.

"Don't laugh," Helen said, "Sometimes people, shall we say, change their minds."

"Okay, I got the questions," I said, "Now what?"

"Now you take some time and answer them. Remember, you will not have to share them with anyone if you don't want to. Once you're satisfied with your answers, you ask the same ten questions to the two men in your life."

"Then what?" I asked.

"You'll see." Helen said. Huh. That was some help. But I thanked her anyway and hung up. Hey, at the very least, I'd have some fun figuring out the answers!

I got another beer from the fridge and sat down at the dining table with my notebook to write down the answers. I wasn't tired anymore, and I was pretty sure it would all seem silly to me in the morning, so I had to do it right then and there.

An hour later, I looked over the result. Helen had said to be honest, so I had tried.

1. hairbrush, lip-gloss, TastyKakes Rex donuts Mary Lou

2. Ranger: What is 'your way' and how do you love me?

3. No. It's usually my fault.

4. Fighting with Joe, Julie getting kidnapped

5. Dad, Grandma Mazur, Ranger

6. Shopping, Lexus, condo

7.

8.

9.

10.

I hadn't come up with anything I liked as an answer for the last four questions, so I decided to sleep on it, closed the notebook and went to bed.

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A/N: Please r&r and let me know if you want more.


	2. Chapter 2

I was totally overwhelmed by the amount of positive feedback I got from you guys, thank you all so very much. I guess that means you do want more, huh?

So this one is for you, and I hope you like it.

Rating: T so far. Let's see what happens…

Spoilers: TS to some extend

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Clueless in Trenton

Chapter 2

I woke up with a start and the feeling I wasn't alone. The digital alarm clock said it was 4 in the morning. It took my eyes a moment to get accustomed to the darkness, but then I could clearly see a figure in the doorway.

There was only one man who made it his hobby to break into my apartment and scare the shit out of me: Ranger.

I didn't describe him very well in my phone call with Helpful Helen; she hadn't even given him a nickname. He was 6' of tall, dark and handsome. I swear his picture is in the dictionary next to the definition of Cuban Sex God. There was nothing physically wrong with Ranger.

Emotionally however, that was a different story.

Between his life not lending itself to relationships and him loving me in his own way, he'd given me plenty of warnings. I should have kept my distance. But unfortunately, I was never good at the things I should do.

So here he was, one of the two men I loved.

"Can't sleep, Babe?" He asked, and I thought I could see him smile in the dark.

"Very funny." I replied, but I wasn't really irritated.

"Something you wanted to ask me?" He said and I had no doubt he was smiling now. I could feel the heat creep up my cheeks.

"How do you know?"

I turned on the bedside light when he didn't answer. Yep, I'd guessed right, he was smiling. Like the proverbial cat with the canary, actually.

"Someone called and said I'd have to turn on my radio." He said.

Oh my God. I just wanted to die. Regardless of who'd called him, that person had recognized my voice. Who else did they call? My face was burning now.

Ranger pushed himself off the doorframe and disappeared into my living room. Since that's where I'd left the notebook, I jumped out of bed and ran after him.

It was too late. He was holding the notebook when I got to the living room.

"You can't read that!" I all but screamed.

"I'm not. Thought about it. But I figured you'll share when you're ready. Just thought you'd need the list or did you already memorize the questions?"

I took the notebook he was holding out and hated the way my hand was shaking. This whole thing was ridiculous. It smacked of something Mary Lou and I would have done in 5th grade.

I still wasn't over the fact that someone had overheard me. Was it possible to die of shame?  
Ranger was still grinning when he sat down on the couch and looked at me expectantly. He must have been on his way home from a job when he detoured to my apartment, I figured. There was no way he'd gotten out of bed to see me in the middle of the night. He was dressed in his usual black and a utility belt lay next to him on the couch.

"How much did you hear?" I asked to find out how far my embarrassment had gotten.

"I tuned in at question 5." Ranger said. Thank God! He hadn't heard my confession.

"So I am a man in your life?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and my face burned up again. It wasn't fair to wake me in the middle of the night, I'd had no time to prepare, I wasn't even wearing make-up!

"How about I copy the questions for you and give you some time to think about them while I take a shower?" I asked so I could avoid answering his question. I sat down at the dining room table and copied the questions over to a blank sheet of paper, then I handed it to Ranger.

"Take your time." I said and hurried into the bathroom. If anyone from the Burg had heard me on the radio, I'd have to change my name and move to Timbuktu, I decided. There was no way I could live this down if I was already mortified at the idea that Ranger knew.

I took a shower and put on my robe before I left the bathroom. Ranger was gone. The sheet of paper was lying on the coffee table.

Although I wanted nothing more than to find out what Ranger's answers were, I made myself finish my questionnaire first.

I got coffee started since there was no sense in even trying to go to sleep now, grabbed the pen and continued my list.

7. If a genie granted you one wish, what would you wish for?

That one was tough. Should I wish for never ending TastyKakes? World peace? I thought long and hard and then I decided on 'Happiness'. Kind of lame, but really, if I was happy, nothing else could faze me much, right?

8. You have the power to forever eliminate a natural disaster. Which one would you choose?

What kind of question was this in the context anyway? It didn't make sense to me. So I just jotted down the first one I could think of, 'hurricanes'.

9. You are given the chance to alter one thing about your physical appearance or character, what's your choice?

Ha! Where to begin? I could only change one thing? I sort of liked my looks and while I usually wished I weighed less, a week of dieting took care of that. If anything had to change, it was in my character. I decided I'd try for a 'calmer temper', so I wouldn't freak out quite so fast and violently.

10. Did you answer the preceding nine questions honestly? If not, would you like to change an answer?

That one was pretty clever, I had to admit. I had answered honestly. Honestly, sometimes I couldn't just decide on one or even three, so I had listed everything. Although I probably wouldn't need lip gloss on a deserted island.

A pot of coffee and two hours later, I had all my replies down and I was dying to find out what Ranger'd come up with.

I snatched up his list from the coffee table. His handwriting was neat and even. My heart was actually beating faster when I sat down on the couch and read his list.

1. What are the three items you would take with you to a deserted island?

Ranger had listed flint, a knife and a tarp. I chuckled. He'd probably been on deserted islands before and knew exactly what he'd need. Or maybe it was just a very manly question.

2. You can ask any person a question, any question, whether they're dead or alive. Who would you ask and what's the question?

Ranger's answer was 'Fidel Castro – Was it worth it?'

Huh. That one surprised me. I didn't know Ranger was political. Then again, I didn't know much about him anyway. For the first time, I realized Helen had been on to something when she gave me the list.

3. Did you ever apologize for something that wasn't your fault? Why?

Ranger admitted that he had because 'Sometimes it's better to apologize than to start a fight'.

Wow, not what I'd expected at all. Ranger apologizing to avoid a fight? I was shaking my head in disbelief. I'd had to ask him about that one.

4. If there was one event in the past year you could get undone, what would it be?

'Scrog' was all Ranger had written. It didn't really need more details, I knew what he meant. His daughter was kidnapped, he'd been forced into hiding and there was national media coverage about him and his family, and in the end, he'd been shot and his daughter had shot Scrog. Overall an episode anyone would want to undo.

5. Write down the three most influential people in your life

This time, Ranger surprised me with how simple he'd kept it. 'Mom, Grandma, General Hawkins' was all it said. Since I didn't know much about his parents or grandparents or what role they'd played in his life, I didn't know how true it was. But I was touched by his honesty. This was a part of Ranger I never knew.

6. If you'd won the jackpot a year ago, what would you have done with the money?

'Redo office, update equipment' was what Ranger'd answered. I had to roll my eyes at this one. He was such a guy. He was probably thinking of all new gym equipment and state of the art computer systems. Then I realized he hadn't put down anything for himself. I looked back at my own list where I had written 'Shopping, Lexus, condo'. Okay, that was definitely typical for me. I hadn't 'bought' anything that _wasn't_ for me.

Yet another tidbit about Ranger.

7. If a genie granted you one wish, what would you wish for?

I had to laugh out loud at Ranger's answer. 'Power to read minds' is what he'd put down. As far as I was concerned, he already had that power. The man could read me like an open book.

Imagine that, I thought, Ranger asking for a super power. I'd always compared him to Batman, it seemed I was more right than I'd thought.

8. You have the power to forever eliminate a natural disaster. Which one would you choose?

'Would not change natural disasters, only human ones' was Ranger's answer. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Now he was answering questions with riddles? I so had to follow up with him!

9. You are given the chance to alter one thing about your physical appearance or character, what's your choice?

'More strength and endurance' was what Ranger'd put down. I couldn't imagine a stronger guy than Ranger and his answer surprised me. Could it be that Batman was insecure? No, that would be ridiculous. It must have been another one of those guy things, I decided.

10. Did you answer the preceding nine questions honestly? If not, would you like to change an answer?

Ranger'd simply stated 'I don't lie'. Out of all his answers, this one surprised me the least. I'd already known that about him. He may not always tell me everything, but he never lied. If I'd learn to ask the right questions, he'd tell me the honest answers.

I reread over his answers several times. Helpful Helen seemed to have lived up to her name. There was a lot of information in these ten answers, and I felt I knew a lot more about Ranger now.

I wondered if I should call Helen again once I had Joe's answers, would she be able to give me more advice? Of course, since that would mean sharing the lists, I probably wouldn't do it.

It was still early, but Joe would probably be up by now, getting ready for work. I didn't give myself a chance to change my mind and dialed his number quickly.

He agreed to come over after work.

I was smiling when I put the receiver back. Once I'd get Joe's answers, I would re-read all three lists and see if the responses somehow gave me the power to decide, as Helen had promised.

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A/N: Well, what do you think? I wish I could ask Ranger those questions, as it was, I had to imagine it all…


	3. Chapter 3

OK, so maybe I started this story to procrastinate. LOAP wasn't going the way I wanted so I started a new fic. But then all your reviews happened and I HAD to continue. I didn't want to seem rude.

Thank you all so much for your kind feedback, I appreciate each and every one of them.

I wasn't sure you guys would like what I made Ranger say, so I'm really grateful you let me know how you felt.

So now it's time for Joe's answers, then Steph's decision (if any) in the next and final chapter. Unless you suggest otherwise, I welcome all reviews and suggestions.

Rating: T so far. Let's see what happens…

Spoilers: TS to some extend

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Clueless in Trenton

Chapter 3

I was a lot more nervous than I would have liked as I waited for Joe that evening.

I'd done the grocery shopping and some other errands, but I'd been too wired to go after FTA's. Helpful Helen had me in a state!

I'd taken the sheet with Ranger's answers and put it on top of mine, only Joe's was missing now. Just like I'd done for Ranger, I copied all the questions on a blank sheet of paper. Ranger'd been easier, since he'd heard the premise on the show and was prepared. Okay, so it had been embarrassing that he'd also heard me complain about the two men in my life, but at least I didn't have to explain anything.

Probably Joe would think I was crazy.

He was 50 percent of the reason I'd gone and gotten snockered with Lula the night before. So also half the reason I'd called Helpful Helen.

It was because I was in love with him _and_ Ranger that I was in this predicament. So I'd just have to suck it up and ask him.

I jumped when he knocked on the door and told myself to get a grip before I went ahead and answered it.

"Everything okay, Cupcake?" He greeted me. He looked yummy in his dark green t-shirt and faded blue jeans.

But then, physically, there was nothing wrong with either of 'my' men anyway. There wasn't anything wrong with them otherwise either, the problem was me.

I smiled at Joe and stepped aside so he could come in.

"I'm fine. Sorry if I alarmed you." I said lamely as he passed me.

I took a deep breath and followed him.

"I just have a favor to ask. Well, two favors…" I said.

Joe turned to look at me and raised his eyebrows. His eyes were the color of molten chocolate and they looked soft and tired now.

"Anything, Cupcake, you know that." He said.

I smiled. "It's not that kind of favor…it's silly, actually…" I picked up the sheet of paper.

"I'm gonna give you some time to answer a couple very personal questions. I won't share your answers with anyone."

Joe looked puzzled. I had to admit I wasn't making much sense. Probably Joe didn't do many of the Cosmo questionnaires to find out where his erogenous zones were and stuff. This would have been a lot easier to explain to a girl. I sighed.

"Have a look." I said and handed him the paper. Joe took it and started reading. He looked back up at me a couple minutes later and he was smiling.

"Is this something Dr. Phil suggested?" He asked and winked at me.

"No," I explained, "But close. Helpful Helen. She said your answers would help me understand you better." Close enough, anyway.

To Joe's credit, he just shook his head slightly and took the pen I offered.

"Beer?" I asked and he nodded. I knew I'd needed beer to finish the questions.

I got two bottles out of the fridge and gave Joe one, then I left him alone as I'd promised. To keep myself occupied, I got Rex out and put him in the sink to clean his aquarium.

Since I hadn't heard from Joe when I was done with that, I started cleaning my fridge by throwing out food that had started to look like a science class experiment.

After that, I grew restless. I checked the clock on the microwave, it'd been a half hour. I didn't know how long exactly it had taken Ranger, but it wasn't longer than a shower.

Just then, Joe put his arms around me from behind and I gasped in surprise.

"That was fun, Cupcake, now can we move on to the interesting part?" He asked and started nuzzling the skin right under my ear.

I knew exactly what his idea of interesting was and I had to gather up all my self control to take a step forward out of his arms.

"Sorry," I said, "I'll need to go through your answers and…"  
"Nice try." Joe cut me off as he closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me again. Then he lowered his mouth to mine and demonstrated once again why I was so confused and was unable to choose one man over the other.

Hours later, I peeled myself away from Joe's naked body as carefully as possible so I wouldn't wake him. I _had_ to read his answers!

It was 2 in the morning, my usual hour lately. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and settled on the couch with it, the sheet of paper with Joe's answers on the coffee table in front of me.

1. What are the three items you would take with you to a deserted island?

'Matches, football, water bottle' was what Joe'd put down. Guys were so practical, I thought. But did that say anything about them?

2. You can ask any person a question, any question, whether they're dead or alive. Who would you ask and what's the question?

'Steph: Will you marry me?'

I sucked in air and almost choked on my beer. Was he serious??? Oh my God! How do you ask someone if they meant that without giving away what you feel? Did I want him to mean it? Was I scared he meant it?

It took me a while to calm down enough to continue.

3. Did you ever apologize for something that wasn't your fault? Why?

'No, but I need to learn to apologize when it IS my fault.' Huh. Go figure. Joe'd done some soul searching, it would seem. He usually blamed being Italian for flying off the handle. Apologies had never been his strong suit.

4. If there was one event in the past year you could get undone, what would it be?

'Putting Bob on diet' Joe'd written. I had to laugh at that. Of all the things he'd said and done and that happened to him, this is what he chose to undo? Men.

5. Write down the three most influential people in your life, past and present. But not more than three.

I didn't know which question had taken Joe the longest, but there were a few names crossed out under this one. What he'd finally left was 'Mom, Mooch, Det. Steller'. What was it with guys and their work buddies or superiors? It was very interesting to see how very similar and yet so very different Joe and Ranger were.

6. If you'd won the jackpot a year ago, what would you have done with the money?

'Buy Mom new house and car, buy self new house, new car and insurance' Joe'd put down. It was sort of what I'd expected and sort of not. I wasn't surprised Joe would buy his mom a new house, but I wouldn't have thought he'd want to buy insurance for himself. I'd have to ask him about that. Right after I'd ask him if he was serious about question number two, I figured.

7. If a genie granted you one wish, what would you wish for?

'Ivisibility' Joe'd written. This time, I sprayed beer all over me as I laughed out loud. No doubt Joe wanted to be invisible to sneak in somewhere, like the bathroom when I was in it. This was the old Joe writing, I decided, a glimpse of the boy he'd been. I didn't think he was serious about this one, but it was too cute.

8. You have the power to forever eliminate a natural disaster. Which one would you choose?

'Since I can't hope to tame you, I'd go with blizzards' was what Joe'd put down. Again I was giggling. He'd often compared me to a natural disaster. I was glad he hadn't put down that he wanted to eliminate me, joking or not. But still, his answer was sweet.

9. You are given the chance to alter one thing about your physical appearance or character, what's your choice?

'Increase patience' was Joe's choice. He definitely knew himself, that's what I would have liked to change about him, too. Our tempers usually got the best of us when we were together.

10. Did you answer the preceding nine questions honestly? If not, would you like to change an answer?

'I'll tell you later'.

Oh great. I'd been looking forward to this last question to maybe shed some light on how serious he'd been about question number two, now I was as clueless as before.

I scoffed. Some help Helpful Helen had been. What the hell was I supposed to do with these answers, how would they tell me who Mr. Right was?

I chose to try and get some more sleep before I spend hours trying to figure it out, so I emptied my beer and crawled back into bed.

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A/N: Not really a cliffhanger because you got all the answers, right??


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for all your wonderful feedback. Your reviews made me continue this story and your reviews made it end this way.

Please let me know what you think!

Gracias to Stayce for kicking my butt

Rating: T – Just a little bad language

Spoilers: TS to some extend

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Clueless in Trenton

Chapter 4

When I woke up, I was alone in my bed. Thank God for small favors. I needed time to think before I confronted Morelli or Ranger.

The questionnaires that were supposed to enlighten me had confused me further.

I loved Morelli. I loved Ranger. I could twist and turn it in my head until I was blue in the face, the facts wouldn't change.

I got up and threw on a tank top and sweats before I went to the kitchen to get coffee started. It was 9 AM and the day had already started without me, so a few more hours wouldn't matter.

As if my personal life wasn't pressing enough, I also had to go into the office to hopefully pick up files on FTAs so I'd be able to pay my rent.

I took my coffee into the living room and picked up my notebook from the dining table. Now I had all questionnaires. What would I do with them?

Helen had said that once I'd gotten the guys' answers, I'd be able to make a decision. Fat chance.

I read over the answers again. There were questions I had to ask both of them, but I didn't think any explanation would help me make a decision.

What the hell, I decided, and picked up the phone to call Helpful Helen. It wasn't the time she was on the air, but I was hoping to get at least an answering service.

I got a recording thanking me for the call, then a disconnect. I scoffed. So much for Helpful Helen. Then again, it wasn't her fault I was in this mess. But it was nice to blame someone else.

I went back to the questionnaires, as if there was something in them I'd missed before. Then I grabbed my pen and started another list, the open questions one. It most likely wouldn't help, but it would keep me busy.

I started with Ranger. His answers all seemed pretty straight forward, which made me wonder why he'd chosen to stay so distant. There was very little personal information. His answers told me about Ranger, not about Ricardo Carlos Manoso.

So should I ask him to redo it? Let me in, so to say? Easier said than done. I'd known Ranger for years and knew next to nothing about him.

Then again, I'd never known he wanted to be stronger and have the ability to read minds, but those were all things that would help him in his professional life.

Since I was the queen of denial, I wondered if I was ready to confront Ranger though. Could I ask him to share his personal life if he didn't want to?

I'd made my head hurt, so I put Ranger's questionnaire down and picked up Joe's.

Unlike Ranger, Joe'd gotten very personal. I couldn't help but think Joe had answered in the way Helpful Helen had intended. He'd opened up, he'd made his answers about me.

But had he been serious? Did he want to ask me to marry him? Would he like to tame me?

"Arrrrgh!!!" I screamed and slammed the notebook down on the coffee table. These answers had given me more questions!

Just then, the phone rang and I almost jumped.

"Cupcake." Joe said when I picked up. It was so like him to call when my head was spinning.

"Hi Joe." I said lamely. I could be so articulate sometimes.

"Sorry I had to split this morning. I've been meaning to ask you about that questionnaire. Do you have lunch plans?"

Um, no, I didn't have any plans, but if I did, they wouldn't involve seeing Morelli or Ranger. I didn't know what to say to them!

"Steph?" Morelli asked when I didn't answer his question. I sighed.

"No, I don't have any plans." I said.

"Great," He said, "I'll bring Pino's subs. 12:30 okay?"

I took a deep breath. Apparently, I wasn't going to put it off any longer. "Okay, see you then."

We disconnected after that and my hands were shaking. It was time for some serious thinking.

When I heard Joe get off the elevator, I was ready. Well, as ready as I'd ever be. I'd made a decision.

I was showered and dressed, my hair was done and I'd put on minimal make-up. I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, nothing sexy, noting unflattering. Neutral.

Morelli let himself in with his key. He was dressed in his usual jeans and a long-sleeved blue t-shirt under a brown leather jacket. He looked good enough to eat. He was balancing a six pack and a take-out bag in his left hand, while closing the door behind him with his right.

I motioned towards the living room. "Have a seat, I'll get the plates." I rolled my eyes at myself on my way to the kitchen. If my mom had witnessed my lack of manners she'd be ironing right now. I swear I'd meant to greet him!

When I joined Joe in the living room, he was on the couch reading the questionnaires. Shit! I'd forgotten to put them aside.

He looked up when I put the plates down on the coffee table.

"I think you need to explain this, Cupcake." He was waving the pages at me.

I sat down on the couch with a sigh.

"You're right. I've been meaning to…" I was clenching my hands and finally grabbed a beer out of the six pack to distract myself.

Joe looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and met his eyes.

"I called this radio station the other night…" and then I told him all about Helpful Helen and the list. I fessed up about the two men in my life and what Helen's solution to the problem had been.

Morelli's eyes grew wide. "So this was a contest??" He indicated the questionnaires, his voice rising steadily.

"No!" I objected, "It was…" Well, what was it? In a way, it was a contest, but I hated to call it that. "It's more of a tool to help me decide…" I gestured frantically.

Joe scoffed. "I don't have to guess who the other man in the competition is, do I?"

Before I could stop him, he'd picked up Ranger's answer sheet and read over it.

"Joe, I…" I started, but I didn't know what to say.

"Have you made a decision then?" Joe asked, his eyes on me again. His voice was cold and I could sense anger boiling just below the surface.

"I have." I said and stood up; I could no longer sit still.

"Joe, I think it's best if we took a break, not see each other for a while." My voice was a lot steadier than I felt, but once I'd said it, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I took a deep breath and when I looked up, Joe's eyes were narrowed and he got up as well.

"I don't think I heard that right." He said, his voice hanging on to a civilized pitch by a thin thread.

"I don't think you are the right man for me at this point in my life." I said, straightening my shoulders.

That was easily the hardest thing I've ever had to say.

Morelli looked like he was going to explode. I saw his hands clench and unclench, like he was trying really hard not to strike out. I knew he'd never hurt me, but it was clear he was beyond angry.

"You don't mean that, Stephanie." He said.

"I do. Please leave, Joe." I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I was cursing Helen and her stupid list that had forced me to make a decision.

Joe looked hurt when he turned and walked out of my apartment. He didn't slam the door, he didn't cuss me out, he just left. And I felt horrible.

And then I realized I was only done half way. I took a couple deep breaths and walked over to my phone. It had to be done now before I lost all my courage. I dialed Ranger's number held my breath until he picked up.

"Yo."

"Can you come over right away?" I asked, sounding out of breath.

"Babe?"  
I rolled my eyes. Now I was getting impatient, the one time I needed him to read my mind!

"Can you come see me?"  
"Everything alright?"  
Oh, of course. Mental head slap. I'd sounded like I was in grave danger.

"Sorry, yeah, everything is fine. I just need to talk to you."  
"I'll be there in 10." He said and disconnected.

"This is it, Rex," I said to the soup can, "One down, only one more to go. I can do this!" I saw the pine shavings move and was sure Rex was laughing at me. I had to admit, I was acting pretty ridiculously.

My pulse sped up when I heard the front door's locks tumble. This was it, Showtime, so to say. I bit my cheek before I started giggling nervously.

I met Ranger in the small foyer. He closed the door behind him and looked at me expectantly.

"I've made a decision." I blurted out. Since he already knew about Helpful Helen, I didn't have to start at the beginning.

Ranger nodded almost imperceptibly and motioned for me to go on.

Another deep breath. If I wasn't careful, I was going to faint.

"You know how the questionnaires were gonna help me decide? Well they have. I have decided to distance myself from both of you. I don't think you are the right man for me at this point in my life." I let out a breath and my hands were shaking.

Ranger's face was blank as I waited for him to say something. No emotion flickered in his eyes, he was holding my gaze.

I almost jumped when he finally moved. He just turned and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I slumped against the door and cried. I cried until no more tears would come. It was done, I'd made a decision. If it had been the right decision, shouldn't I feel better now?

Finally, I got up, took another shower and wrapped myself in my soft robe, then I helped myself to another beer and settled down in front of the TV.

Hours later, a knock on the door woke me up. It was dark outside, so I must have slept for a long time.

I shuffled over to the door and gasped when I looked through the peep hole.

"Open up," He said, "I know you're in there!"

I knew that he could come in either way so I opened the door.

"What?" I asked by way of greeting.  
"I don't accept your decision." He said calmly, took me in his arms and kissed me until I no longer knew my name.

The End

A/N: Questions, comments, suggestions? Please be gentle…


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